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Fix Relationship Problems Even When You're The Only One Trying You can fix relationship problems even if you seem to be the only trying to change your relationship. You can make your relationship better even if your mate doesn’t seem interested in changing anything at all. There are many ways to start to fix relationship problems, but one very powerful one is the 4 Step Quick Change Method. Step One: Get Clear on What You Want To Have Change. What is it that would make the relationship better? Is it more sex? More communication? More fun time? Less fighting and arguing? More quality time spent together with the kids as a family? Less jealousy? The first step to changing your relationship is to be as specific and concrete as you can about what it is that you want to change. Step Two: Make a request of your partner. Pick one thing you want to change first and then simply ask your mate, being as specific and concrete as you can. Don’t say “Can we have more communication?” That is vague and could mean anything. Do say something much more specific like “When we get home from work, can we spend some quality time talking about our day before we turn on the tv?” Be as specific as you can, that way you will more likely get what you want. Step Three: Allow your mate to answer in one of three ways. Yes, No, or “maybe, let’s negotiate.” Any of the three responses is okay. Just don’t accept being ignored or brushed off. You’ve made a specific request, expect a specific answer. Often times they will just say yes. If it is a reasonable request, your partner will often want to make you happy by saying yes. If they negotiate “How about we talk about our day after dinner and we take a walk at the same time?” that’s fine, you want it to work for them. If they say No, don’t get distraught or think your relationship is going to fail. Step Four. Dealing with no. If they say no, you don’t need to argue or fight. Often times, their first no can be “automatic.” They just need to get it off their chest before they can accede to your request. Other times, their no can be just a delayed yes. They will just start doing what you asked them without ever saying yes. And sometimes, their no will be authentic, and then you need to honor it and make your own choices. But if they say no, you can always ask again tomorrow or next week, if it is important to you don’t just accept the first no, ask again, this can help them get to yes. If you really want to fix
relationship problems when you are the only one who is trying, this is a
good skill to begin to learn. There are others, but you can improve
your relationship even if it seems your mate doesn't care to.
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